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Worry and Anxiety
Worry and Anxiety
You find yourself worrying. A lot. About what could go wrong, about what others might think or how they will react, about how to get things just right, about the future, about things you can't change. You might notice difficulty disengaging from worry, being on edge, being distractible, finding many things irritating, feeling like your body is full of unpleasant energy that’s hard to get rid of. You may engage in behaviors that feel hard to stop. When anxiety is strong, you may notice your mind goes blank, that you freeze, or that you spiral in your worries.
People Pleasing
People Pleasing
You tend to put others first. You set aside your own needs and wants because, well, that's what you do. It may feel wrong, anxiety provoking, or risky to do otherwise. You might feel annoyed with others and how much they ask of you while having difficulty saying no. You may feel less confident than you would like, have times when you hit your limit and need significant time away from others, and/or be more reliant on others than you want to be.
Stuckness
Stuckness
You know what you’re capable of, what you’d like to change, yet you’re not taking the steps to do so. Or maybe you’ve tried and tried and you’re making a much less progress than you’d like to see.
Chronic Invalidation and Confusion about Emotions
Chronic Invalidation and Confusion about Emotions
The way you’re feeling doesn’t make sense to you. You can look back at your life and see there were some problems in the way you were treated growing up or in the past. Maybe even into the present. But so many other people have had it worse, haven't they? It wasn't that bad.
Perfectionism/High Standards
Perfectionism/High Standards
You may or may not consider yourself a perfectionist, but you’ve got high expectations. There is a right way (and many wrong ways!) to do something. The bar is high to feel like you or others have got it right. You’re dissatisfied with what you’ve accomplished, despite messages to the contrary from people around you. You may be unable to take action or tasks may take longer than you like because it's hard to match your expectations. There may be friction in your relationships and others may tell you you’re hard to please or critical.
Bottling Up/Stuffing Emotions
Bottling Up/Stuffing Emotions
It seems like the best thing to do with these pesky emotions is just to shove them down. Deep, deep down. And then put a lid on them. The problem is, they affect you. You’re too full of feelings. Overwhelmed, sometimes. You’re surprised at how your feelings erupt, coming out of you more intensely than you expect, in ways you are uncomfortable with, and in places or times that are confusing and unwanted.
Disconnection from Emotions
Disconnection from Emotions
You tend not to feel your feelings. They feel distant or muted. You look at others, and they seem to feel things more deeply than you, in ways that you may admire but also find bothersome or foreign. Others may describe you as distant, cold, unfeeling, dismissive, or unempathetic. You may describe yourself as "logical" while hearing messages that conflict with that from people in your life. You may feel less happy or less connected to others than you would like.
Shame
Shame
You may feel broken, incomplete, or like something is wrong with you. If someone really knew you, they wouldn't like you as much. You tend to be hard on yourself, using derogatory language when you talk about yourself either now or in the past, using epithets like stupid, weak, and pathetic. You may put down your physical appearance or other qualities in yourself that are hard to change. You have a hard time seeing yourself positively or being kind to yourself, even if others disagree.
Unaddressed Trauma
Unaddressed Trauma
You’ve been through harder situations in your past but you’re struggling now in a way you haven’t before. It seems like you should be thriving, you’ve hit a high point in your life in a new way: in a better relationship, a higher paying job, a safer living situation, in college/grad school when you didn't think you'd make it... That success isn't matched by feeling of happier or more connected the way you would expect. You may be hit by waves of feelings, dragging you down and getting in your way. Or your feelings may feel muted and distant. You may feel separate from people in your life and want more closeness but feel conflicted about changing that.
Existential Challenges
Existential Challenges
There are some difficult challenges we all face: that all things end (including our own lives and the lives of our loved ones), that choosing means we are responsible both for our choices and the paths not taken, that there is no inherent meaning in life, and that we are all fundamentally alone. You may find yourself spending yourself dwelling on these challenges, getting paralyzed when facing them, or avoiding them. You feel disempowered and want to change that.
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